My Mother
by Mylinda Antoinette
Summary: Lloyd reminisces about his early days, what he can remember about the times he spent with Anna and Kratos as a family. Character introspection; Lloyd's POV.


My Mother

by: Mylinda Antoinette

Summary: Lloyd reminisces about his early days, what he can remember about the times he spent with Anna and Kratos as a family. Character introspection

Author's Note: Not much is known about Anna, as very little is told about her in the game. The only thing known is that Anna was born and raised in Luin, as learned once Luin is rebuilt if Kratos rejoins your party. I imagine that even if Lloyd was only three when his mother died, he must have some kind of memories of her, however vague those memories might be. So I thought it might be nice to do a character introspection fic, delving deeper into the character of Anna, as well as those of Lloyd and Kratos. In writing this story, I imagined that Lloyd was being interviewed about his childhood, and that helped me to write it. I hope you enjoy the fourth story in my series of TOS one-shots!

Also, many thanks to Kuruk, my beta-reader, who added a lot to this story and helped me prep it for publication on the site!

Please note: The story is written in Lloyd's POV. Also, imagine that Lloyd is recalling this all later... like... after the game ends.

* * *

I know that it isn't supposed to be this way. I mean, most kids remember their childhood, but for me, sometimes it's like this big blank spot that I only remember some things about...

It's hard. I should've had a normal childhood like normal kids, but then again, I'm not exactly normal, am I?

But it's not like I'm alone. Colette, Genis, Professor, Presea, Sheena... my friends didn't exactly have the perfect childhood either...

Sometimes, when I get depressed about it, I remind myself that Colette was born knowing she would have to die, or that Genis and the Professor were chased around because they were half elves all their lives.

I remind myself that Sheena witnessed her fellow villagers die and blamed herself, and that Presea was stuck in a twisted, messed up childhood for a long time...

I never really had time to remember my childhood. All I knew is that it was a blank spot, and I was too busy to try...

The journey jogged my memory a little... That jerk, Kvar, seeing Kratos and finding out he was my father... seeing angels again. Because of that, I remembered, if only a little.

It wasn't much... but it was something, and I was... you know, glad.

I didn't remember much at first... I mean, I remember Noishe and how he would always take care of me. I remember bits and pieces about the time when I was three... I know Mom died and that Dad (by that I mean Dirk) found me and took care of me from then on... but it wasn't until later that I remembered more.

My real dad, Kratos, is mostly still a blank spot, even now.

I do remember stargazing with him, and that's mostly what I remember about him; other than that I remember that he would take me on piggy back rides and that somehow, even when Mom was really sad, he could always make her laugh, even if he wasn't trying.

Nearly every night, we would sit up long after Mom was asleep and Dad would point out the constellations to me, telling me the legends behind the constellation, like the story of the ancient sun-god, Titan.

I remember the first time he showed me his wings. It was necessary, he had to get me and Mom away from Desians fast... he wouldn't have shown me otherwise, but late at night, after I begged enough, he would grudgingly take me in his arms and fly.

It was one of the best feelings in the world. I don't know if it was the giddy, weightless feeling of flying, or the fact that I felt safe and secure in my father's arms, but it was.

I think that maybe I never forgot that feeling... because sometimes, when I was asleep, I would dream of flying in someone's arms... I felt safe, something I could only attain myself when I had my swords with me...

Anyway, despite the fact that both Mom and I knew that he was, well, an _angel_, we weren't supposed to tell. He didn't even like us to mention it. It was taboo, and Dad would glare at me when I slipped up.

It was hard. I mean, it was _cool_ to have a dad that could _fly_. I wanted to brag, but I couldn't...

Still, I didn't mind _that_ much...

Anyway, it's my mom that I remember the most.

Her name was Anna, and I remember that I always thought she was the most beautiful person in the world. I would know--we traveled a lot (maybe even in both worlds) to try and find a Key Crest to restrain the Angelus Project. That's what Dad called Mom's Exsphere, though I didn't know what he meant.

I remember that they would get sad when they spoke about it, how I would think that that weird, blue crystal on my mom's hand was _pretty_...

They would get saddest whenever I mentioned that.

Mom had long brown hair, the richest shade of brown I'd ever seen. And her eyes were a warm, sparkling chocolate. Those who saw us together would always say I had her eyes. That made me feel good and proud. I wanted to be like her.

I think, though, that it wasn't the color that everyone loved about them... It was the love and kindness that shone through every single day, no matter what. She was always patient with me, always kind and caring.

Not that Dad wasn't... he was, just not as much as Mom. I loved that about her.

There are two specific incidents I remember about my childhood, more than any others. One occured in Luin, when we were visiting my mom's sister, and the other occurred on a day like any other, as we were traveling on one of the worlds, though I can't remember which world it was.

I remember we were strolling down the streets of Luin, and Mom and Dad were talking with Aunt Polly. I was a little bit ahead of them, running and playing. Suddenly I saw a butterfly, and as a little two year old fascinated by such things, I just had to follow it. I remember wanting to catch it so I could give it to my mom as a present. So I darted off after it. I don't think either Mom or Dad even noticed I was missing for a few seconds, but as the butterfly began to fly up, I began to climb a ladder to try and catch it for Mom.

As I climbed past the fifteenth rung or so, I heard Mom scream my name. I didn't realize she was frightened, all I thought was that I had better get the butterfly soon so her surprise wouldn't be ruined. The butterfly had landed on a rung a few feet up from where I was, and I scrambled up the ladder. A moment later I saw Dad catch up out of the corner of my eye. I turned to look at him, and at that moment, my foot slipped and I fell off the ladder. I heard my mom screaming, and it was lucky Dad was there to catch me or I'd have been a pancake for sure.

He carried me in his arms back to my mom, who was in tears with worry and kissed me over and over, in between yelling at me to never scare her like that again. I felt bad for that, and I told her I just wanted to bring her a butterfly, and Dad had smirked a little and said that they were more beautiful in nature than they were in captivity...

Why do I remember this particular memory? Probably because it was so scary at the time. I was frightened when I fell, but I felt much better when I was in Dad's arms, because I knew I could count on him to take care of me.

A few months after that we were traveling again; I don't remember where. But I do remember that we'd stopped somewhere for the night.

It was just starting to get dark, and Dad was looking after Mom, because she wasn't feeling well. I suppose that was why I couldn't sleep, because I was worried about her.

Mom had started to feel sick a lot by then, and I guess it was because of how the Exsphere was feeding on her...

Anyway, I was playing with Noishe, and all of a sudden he turned and ran off into a forest. Of course, being a two and a half year old, all I was concerned with was getting my playmate back, so I ran after him...

I ran for a long time, looking for Noishe. After a while I couldn't run anymore; I was just too tired. So I stopped and sat down for a minute, trying to see if I could see my way out. It was at that moment I realized that I was lost.

I began to cry. I wanted my Mom, but I didn't know which way to go to find her. I was in a panic, but then...

I remembered what my dad had taught me, repeating it over and over: if I were to ever realize that I was lost, I was to stay put, right where I was, until I was rescued. So I did as I'd been told.

I went over and sat on a rock, awaiting my rescue. As scared as I was, I was also tired, and though I tried to stay awake as long as possible, I eventually fell asleep.

The next thing I remember, I saw Noishe's face. He was licking my own face, trying to wake me. I smiled to see him, and he bent down so I could get on his back, the way he always did when he thought I needed a ride. I climbed on, knowing that, if anyone could get me back, it was Noishe, and after he stood, he started to run out of the forest.

A few minutes later, we popped out of the forest, and I felt so much better when I realized we were back at the campsite... at least, I did until I realized there were a lot of dead bodies around the camp.

Noishe trotted over to the makeshift tent my dad had set up and whined. You can't imagine how relieved I felt to see Dad open the flap, and I suppose I can't imagine how relieved he and Mom must have been to see me.

Mom was feeling better that morning, except for worrying about me, and she pulled me into a big hug, telling me that she was so glad I was safe, that she thought I'd been snatched by the Desians.

Dad knelt down next to us and casually mentioned that he supposed Noishe had purposefully led me into the forest, sensing that there was danger coming, and knowing I'd be safer there.

Then I remember Mom slapping him, and scolding him for not being happier that I had returned safely.

That's the only time I remember ever seeing one of my parents hit the other... but Dad wasn't angry with her. He just sighed and agreed, and then after a little while she was smiling again, and I thought everything was okay.

It was only six months after this that the Exsphere finally killed my mom...

Dad was fighting the Desians when she finally died, and because he wasn't there, Mom entrusted my care to Dirk, the dwarf who cared for me for fourteen years until my journey with Colette and the others began.

It was hard for me to be separated from my parents, and I remember visiting my mother's grave every day, an easy thing to do since her grave was behind my new house. Dirk saw to it that I had everything I needed: food, clothes, shelter, and love.

While I sometimes wish my mom had lived, I know that if she hadn't died, things wouldn't be the way they are now. We might still be on the run, and because of that I would never have met Colette, Genis or any of my other friends...

And if that hadn't happened, Mithos would still have kept the worlds apart so that they fed off each other's mana, all so that he could keep Martel alive...

I know that if Mom hadn't died, the world wouldn't be safe... so, deep down, I know that maybe it was for the best...

Of course, this doesn't change the fact that I miss her every day, or that I wish she could see the way things are now. So I've dedicated myself to making sure that other people can see this new world-- so that they won't end up like Mom did.

Soon, all the Exspheres will be gone; Dad and I are seeing to that personally. We're going to do it for Mom, so that no one ends up like her. It's what she would want, I think...

Call me crazy, but sometimes, late at night, when I'm alone, I think that maybe I can still feel my mom around me.

On nights like that, I put my hand over my, no, _her_ Cruxis Crystal, and I close my eyes. On nights like that I can see her face-- I can look into her beautiful eyes and know that she isn't really dead.

Because as long as I remember her, she'll live on. Even when the day comes that I smash this crystal too, I know it won't matter.

Because she isn't just in that crystal. I see her around me more and more. In the trees, in the sky, sometimes when a gentle breeze tousles my hair like she used to. But most of all, I see her in butterflies. More beautiful in nature, I think when I see them, and I can't help smiling at the memory.

Mom's part of this world now. I know she is. Somewhere, she's watching over it. I know that she saw what my friends and I did and I know she's happy for me and Dad, even proud of us for what we've done.

And even when those butterflies escape my sight, I know that eventually I'll find another one...

Like Mom. One day I'll see her again, and the three of us can stargaze together, looking at the constellations of the new sky of a better world that we all helped to create.

Until that day comes, my friends and I will continue making that world. Not only for Mom, but for everyone else, too.

* * *

Please review! This particular one went through a lot of revision, but I've changed a few additional things, added some others to make sure it's a little more me. I hope you enjoyed it! This was my fourth one-shot, and the second to come back from my beta-reader. Thanks, Kuruk!


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